hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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