I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
