It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
