mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
