im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
