I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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