How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
