Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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