Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
