My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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