Tell her she can't have a vagina
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize