You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
