I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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