sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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