my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry about my life...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
