I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
