george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
