I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
