I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
