I wish I could punch you in the face.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
