i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
