Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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