You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
