She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone came in the potted fern
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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