what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize