I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
