Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
