Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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