So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
