My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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