pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
