honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
PANTIES FOUND
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
