I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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