Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
