The maid of honor just puked.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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