I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
