Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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