I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
In other news, I just burned my penis
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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