If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
