Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize