i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
