and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
