he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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