No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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