didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
