Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
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