She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
