I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
