That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The ass gains better be worth it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
