Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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