Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
