ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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