Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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