I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
