i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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