Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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