I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
