the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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