your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize