Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
