I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
