What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
