Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
