one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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