so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
