its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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