The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
