I will die if light touches me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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