STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
