remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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