She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
