It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
