I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You don't make any sense
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