dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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