She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
