She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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