are you so shy because you have an std?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He passed out mid-signature
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
