I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Little spoons don't ask big questions
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
