my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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