so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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