when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
