whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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