So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
