Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
