he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
