He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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