I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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