If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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