If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
