just tell him i said nine months
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
