In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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