just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
