I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
