No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
