It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Holy sore nipples Batman
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
