wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize