Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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