dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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