What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
