Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
