I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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