Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
