were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
