We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
