he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
