if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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