He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
