i don't plan on having that self control this summer
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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