She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
