Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize