We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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