While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
