Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
