omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
