Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
