doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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